


I want to wipe out all the sad ideas that come to me, when I am holding you.

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Marriage, No Smut, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson Fluff, it's short and i kind of wanna give it a part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 19:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11790339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In a world where when you see your soulmate, your vision goes from black and white to color, Zayn has seen color from the moment he met Louis while Louis has seen only black and white even after he met Zayn.They aren't soulmates, but they're still trying.





	I want to wipe out all the sad ideas that come to me, when I am holding you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I hope you enjoy this. It was fun to write. (:

It’s four in the morning. 

 

Louis’ never thought this would be his life. He’s sitting on the window of their apartment in Vienna, knees bent and feet firmly planted on the window sill. His head leans back to rest on the window frame and a cigarette is held from between his fingers while he looks out at the pitch black sky. The stars are out tonight, showing up like glowing white dots in the sky. They match everything else, black and white. 

 

Looking over to the bed, Zayn is dead asleep of course and Louis wants to wake him. He knows how much Zayn loves the stars. He stays put in the window though, stubbing out the cigarette in the ashtray beside him. 

He doesn’t stay up like this a lot. He’s never had a problem sleeping, but theres so much going through his head right now and he just  _ can’t _ sleep. Thinking this hard on the soulmate thing never got him anywhere good, but here he was. The clock ticked on while he thought about the fact that the boy in bed asleep could see in perfect color and has been able to since they met. That always makes him feel guilty. 

 

He’s almost zones out a bit, but he can hear Zayn’s sleep filled voice fill the quiet room. He calls him back to bed, so naturally, Louis goes. 

 

Crawling into bed beside him, he easily worms his way under Zayn’s arm and gets him to lay on his back like he knows Louis likes. Louis lays his head on his chest and is almost driven to sleep immediately by the way Zayn’s fingers comb through his hair lightly. 

 

“What were you doing over there?” He asks quietly. His voice is calm and to this day, Louis swears it’s his favorite sound. 

Louis, draping his arm over his middle, says, “Thinking.”

“About?”

 

Louis hesitates and Zayn sighs, because he knows what it means without him even having to say it. He knows Louis feels guilty. He’s not Zayn’s soulmate, but Zayn’s his. Of course that’s something to feel guilty about, but Zayn has explained to him multiple times that he’s okay with it. He knows Louis loves him. He knows they’re in love. Yes, sometimes he wonders if that’s enough, but he knows that  _ for now _ it’s more than enough.

 

“What happens if I meet them?” Louis asks. His voice is quiet, edging on a whisper, as if saying it any louder would hurt.

“Then you’ll see color, and won’t that be wonderful?” Zayn answers just as quiet. Louis lets out a quiet breath, so Zayn adds, “And you’ll meet your soulmate, be happy with them.”

Louis tells him, “You’re my soulmate.” And he’s more than prepared when Zayn shakes his head like he always does.

 

The thing is, he wants Louis to be happy. Whether that’s with him or whoever his soulmate is, it doesn’t matter as long as he’s happy. He wants someone to treat him right, make him laugh, and respect him. That’s what he wants. Louis on the other hand swears he wants to live out his days in Vienna with Zayn and Zayn knows that’s not going to happen once he meets his soulmate. He’s convinced himself he’s at peace with that. He, for the two years he’s known Louis, has told himself that as long as he knows Louis is happy and cared for, he’ll be alright. That doesn’t mean that when it happens he won’t crumble. Or that he won’t feel every part of his heart shatter. 

 

They’ve talked about getting married, having a family and all. Zayn mainly does it to entertain Louis when he wants to talk about it. He likes to see the way Louis’ eyes light up and his smile go all the way up to his eyes. He wonders how thoughts about a future with someone that isn’t who you’re meant to be with can make you so happy. 

 

Louis ignores him when he shakes his head, whispers, “I love you.” And falls asleep within the next minute. 

Zayn stays awake. He stares up at the ceiling and just tries to keep what Louis said in his head. Louis considers Zayn his soulmate. Louis loves him. He loves him, he loves him, he loves him. 

 

The sun comes up eventually, and Zayn falls asleep.

 

-

 

They’re getting married. 

Well, more in the process of trying to plan their wedding, but Zayn asked and Louis said yes without hesitation.

 

It’s hard to find a wedding planner that doesn’t turn up their nose at them technically not being soulmates though and harder to find one that won’t make any comments about it at all. Zayn just wants to give Louis the wedding he wants, and even though Louis keeps assuring him it’s fine and that they’ll find one eventually, he’s not very optimistic about it at all. Especially when he can tell that the whole process of finding one is exhausting to them both. 

He’s just tired of hearing they won’t make it when Louis finds who he’s meant to be with, because he knows that already. He knows very well he’ll lose to someone he doesn’t even know. They don’t know how to make Louis happy when he’s sad. They don’t know how he likes his tea or how he secretly likes when Zayn takes candids of him. They don’t know anything about Louis, but he knows they’ll learn twice as fast, because they’re meant to be and it just fucking  _ hurts  _ to know they’ll be more than enough for him. At the same time, it’s comforting to know he’ll have someone that good. He can’t do anything about it, but he’s damn good at blocking those thoughts out. So, that’s what he does.

  
  


Louis comes home after Zayn sent him to get groceries that day with his thinking face on, eyebrows scrunched up together and lips pursed. He sets the groceries on the counter in the kitchen and comes to where Zayn’s sitting in the living room. He sits on the couch beside him, pushing himself against Zayn’s side until the boy lifted his arm to drape it around him. 

Louis is quiet for a moment, eyes fixed on the tv until he looks up at Zayn a minute later with a tiny smile on his face. 

 

He says, “Let’s get married today.” 

 

Zayn takes this into consideration and looks down at him. His whole world is in front of him, telling him they should get married today and he’s sure he means the courthouse which is definitely not the wedding Louis wanted. He knows Louis means it though and Zayn knows he won’t win this argument and he really does want to marry Louis. 

He nods after a short minute, kissing the top of his forehead, “Okay.”

  
  


They get married at the courthouse. It’s nothing special at all, but Louis looks the happiest Zayn’s ever seen him and that’s really all that matters. 

 

-

 

Months later, there’s a day when Zayn takes Louis out to eat at a new restaurant they wanted to try. 

 

They’re waiting for their food, Louis going on and on, telling Zayn some story and being as animated as he always is. He’s rambling really and all of a sudden, he just stops. It’s like nothign Zayn’s seen him do before, just stopping so abruptly. Louis drops his hands to his lap, as they’d been midair while he’d been talking and he looks around the room slowly. His eyes are opening and closing slowly and Zayn starts to get a bit worried something might’ve happened to him. 

 

“Lou?” He tries, raising an eyebrow at his husband, at the spaced out look on his face. 

 

Louis doesn’t answer at first. He stays like that, mouth opening and closing like he’s trying to find the words to say and Zayn can see his eyes filling with tears. He definitely isn’t prepared for when Louis looks at him with a frown on his face. He watches him swallow hard at a lump in his throat.

“I’m- I can see color.” He whispers.

 

Zayn doesn’t react at first. He tries to process that information and understand what that means as if he hadn’t spent nearly all of his relationship with Louis worrying about this moment. When he realizes, Louis is already saying sorry. He’s apologizing for being able to see everything in color and Zayn can’t really feel anything at all. He thought he’d feel upset or something when this moment came, but he’s numb. 

“Who is it?” He questions calmly, hands fisting the material of the hem of his shirt. 

  
Louis takes a second to compose himself, trying to stop himself from crying and fix his eyes on the boy that had walked in a minute ago. He takes in a shaky breath, “A boy sitting over there, the one with the t-shirt on.” He replies, staring in his direction. 

 

Zayn turns his head to look at the blonde boy sitting with a friend and laughing at something. He must not have seen Louis yet, and Zayn is so grateful for that. 

 

“We can leave. We can leave right now, and he’ll- he won’t know, Z. He hasn’t seen me, I don’t think. Let’s go.” Louis coaxes, a bit frantic and starting to reach for his jacket to put it back on.

 

That would be easy. Leaving right now with Louis and going home would be the easiest thing in the world. Zayn would have Louis to himself again. Except, it wouldn’t be fair. He wants Louis to be happy and get a fair shot with his actual soulmate. That seemed fair, wouldn’t it be? He wanted Louis the happiest he could be, and if it’s with whoever this boy is, then Zayn will be okay. He’ll give him up. He loves Louis. Louis is his soulmate, his everything, his entire world. He wants to give him the best even if it means leaving him.

  
“No,” He says. Louis stops immediately, frozen at the word that left Zayn’s mouth. Zayn licks his lips and takes a deep breath, “You should go say hi. Meet him or something. I’m not mad.”

 

Louis stares at him for a little bit, eyes flickering between him and the blond boy a few tables away.

“Go. He’s your soulmate,” Zayn encourages lightly, forcing a small smile, “I’m okay. I promise.”

 

Louis sniffles, slowly moving to stand up. He walks across the table and kisses Zayn’s forehead gently, lingering a bit. He whispers, “I love you.” And Zayn can’t say it back, not right now. So he gives him the only closed lip smile he’s able to keep on his face.

 

His husband walks away and Zayn hates himself for it, but he turns to watching the encounter go on.    
When Louis approaches the table, the two boys sitting at it look up and the blonde’s eyes go wide immediately. He looks at Louis and says something that Zayn can’t hear, but it makes the corner of Louis’ lips twitch up and that’s enough for Zayn to turn back around to the table and blink tears from his eyes. He’s fine.

 

If Louis was happy, then so was he.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are all appreciated.


End file.
